Reflections on the headstand

One of the more challenging asanas I have been working on is the headstand or sirsasana. This practice has taught me a couple of important life lessons that I wanted to share. 

1. You have to do all the steps, no skipping.

In Sivananda yoga there is a distinct 8-step process to getting into the headstand. 

First you measure your elbows with your hands, then put them down on the ground in front of you. Extend your hands, clasping your fingers in front forming a tripod. Place the back of your head in your hands, cupping it loosely. Make sure the very top of your head is on the floor. Extend your feet behind you, forming a sort of downward dog angle with your hips in the air. Walk the toes towards your face until your hips are directly over your shoulders. Lift one foot, then the other, bringing your knees to your chest. Extend your knees straight up towards the sky, your feet falling back toward your bum. Extend your feet up into the full position.

The second last step, with knees pointing straight up, is the hardest. If I move through it quickly or try to bypass it, I manage to get my feet up for a few seconds but I am in what my teacher calls a 'jackknife' headstand, and not perfectly straight. And then I can't hold on to it for long. My teacher has challenged me to stay up in the 3/4 headstand (with knees up) for at least 30 seconds before go to the full posture. I will get some pictures posted soon so you get the idea. This is really hard for my ego, because I want to do it so badly, and if I have to hold that position, I will never make it all the way. But it is a good reminder that sometimes even though it's tempting to take shortcuts, it is best to take it one step at a time, building from the ground up. 

2. Work to your edge, but don't go over it

This is a principle of yoga that I have learned from different teachers. In the headstand, you have to get your balance exactly right, using the hips and legs as counter weights. If you don't do this properly, you will fall over. Usually backwards. Which could hurt, but luckily for me I am really good at somersaults. I tend to do this more when I am more tired, so clearly it is not such a good idea to practice headstand tired. In the standard class, headstand is the first asana after the sun salutation series. I guess the originators realized you need all your strength and energy to hold a good headstand.

The life lesson here is to challenge myself, but to know when I am at the edge. Edges are great places to be, they have the most potential for growth. But they cal also be dangerous. So I have been working on getting my self awareness to the point where I can be ok with not pushing myself to far, but pushing just enough. It's that sweet spot that I want to stay in.

3. Be comfortable and sure of yourself, even as your world gets flipped upside down

My teacher pointed something out to me today as I was practicing. In headstand, your actually have more surface area contact with the floor than you do when you are standing on your feet. Also you are not in any crazy positions that require extreme flexibility or strength, you are just standing straight up. The fear factor is a huge barrier in accomplishing the headstand.  That last 3/4 stage is quite a frightening and bizarre sensation. But I held it for a little while, and gradually I adjusted to my new orientation. I also remembered to breathe and try to relax. Then it got easier. I felt lighter, like I was just floating there. 

In life there are sure to be disorienting situations, and the world as I know it may appear to be upside down. I will have to apply what I learned in headstand, to relax and persevere. 

Asanas are so amazing in that they have the ability to train your body, your mind, and your spirit. Swami Sivananda referred to headstand as the king of asanas and said if we are only going to do one posture a day this should be it. The physical and mental benefits are numerous, from increasing the flow of blood to the brain to reducing varicose veins. Apparently the most benefits come from staying in it for 10 to 15 minutes. I cannot imagine that. Maybe one day. I will just have to go one step at a time. 

Super intense cleaning

Today we had our kriya workshop. Kriyas are yogic cleansing exercises. Yogis are obsessed with cultivating sattva or purity. This includes their environment, their food, and their bodies inside and out. So today we learned about purifying the inside part.

I tried to approach the workshop with an open mind but knowing that it is not medically necessary to clean the internal orifices of our bodies, and could potential be damaging. But the yogis have done this for thousands of years. I understand how from a psychological perspective, having everything clean and pure is a logical step towards cleansing and purifying the mind, and preparing it for meditation. So as you are reading this, try to keep that in mind, and be prepared for some not-so-pleasant images...

The first exercise we did was called Trataka or steady gazing. We were instructed to stare at the flame of a candle without blinking for one minute, then closing our eyes for a minute and visualizing the flame, then repeating two more times. As you practice, you are supposed to be able to hold your gaze longer without blinking. Your eyeballs' natural response to drying out is to tear up. So even in our one minute we were all starting to cry. This is the cleansing of the eyeballs/tear ducts. They say the benefits include improved concentration and strengthening of the eyes.

The second exercise was Jala Neti. You might be familiar with the neti pot, it has become quite a mainstream practice. Basically you use this purpose-made mini teapot to pour saline water into one nostril as you lean over and tilt your head to the side. The water begins to run out the other nostril. This is supposedly beneficial for cleansing the nasal passages and the sinuses and prevent colds and infections.

Suta Neti was the third exercise. We threaded a rubber cathether up one nostril and pulled it out of our mouths. It has the same benefits as the neti pot. Which means I am never doing this again.

The third exercise was Kapalabhati. People who practice yoga will be familiar with this breathing exercise. If involves rapid, forceful exhalations, and the inhalation becomes passive. This eliminates carbon dioxide from the lungs and stimulates the organs in the stomach.

Nauli was the fourth exercise. This involved exhaling strongly and sucking in your abdomen, and then you churn it around like you are making your stomach dance. I wasn't able to do this, but it looks really crazy when its done properly, see this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHtNn0jKk0w

The fifth exercise was Kunjar Kriya. For this exercise we rapidly chugged 8 to 10 cups of warm salt water and proceeded to vomit. If you didn't vomit automatically, you were encourages to trigger your gag reflux by sticking your fingers down your throat. I was a little disturbed by this, but I decided to try it, and it was quite traumatic. Of course i got a head rush and tingling all over my body, but I get that when I am sick for real and its not a good feeling. I am concerned about them teaching this exercise to predominantly young women, because young women tend to have so many issues with food. I don't think they should be telling us that we are "cleansing" ourselves by vomiting.

One exercise that I did not do was called Vastra Dhauti. This involved swallowing a long piece of gauze and then slowly pulling it back out of your throat. Apparently this is good for gastritis, dyspepsia, diseases of the stomach, and disorders of phlegm and bile.

A final exercise that we were simply told about was Basti or colon cleansing. This is what it sounds like... It supposedly cures urinary and digestive disorders.

All of us were quite altered by this practice. Imagine 40 people throwing up in the bushes at the same time. It had quite an effect on the rest of my day, in different ways. I was exhausted so I had a nap. Then I felt really gtood. But I am thinking that was more from the nap than the vomiting. Then at various moments I have felt like crying. All in all, just another roller coaster day of Sivananda Yoga Teacher Training.

Day in the life

I have been at the ashram for two weeks. I feel like I have been here for two months! Here is the play-by-play of how the day goes...

5:30 wake up bell goes

I think I am sleeping rather lightly because I wake up immediately when the first bell goes. Or maybe I am just well rested...nah doubt it. For a few days I was worried about missing the bell, even thought that would be nearly impossible. They ring 3 different bells around the ashram, each of them about 4 or 5 'clangs', and then someone blows a conch shell. Regardless I woke up several times in the night thinking that I had overslept. I have now set my alarm as well. I had the best sleep last night.

5:50 be at the garden platform to do roll call for satsang

I have to take attendance for 1/2 of my class upon their arrival at satsang, so I am prepared with my headlamp so that I can see the list, because otherwise it is usually too dark.

6:00-7:45 satsang

Morning satsang is usually on the main garden platform, but occasionally we do a walking meditation on the beach. We did that today. It was really lovely. When we congregate down at the beach the sky is still dark, and the moon is just setting over the horizon (full moon tonight!). Then we walk east towards the Atlantis hotel complex. Walking meditation is much easier for me than seated meditation, because when you walk you get to focus on the action of walking. It is also much easier on my sore joints. I am still in a lot of pain from sitting cross-legged all the time. A new development on the pain front is that my mid-back has decided it just will not support me any more.
When we do a regular satsang, it begins with a half hour of silent meditation, followed by 20 minutes of chanting, and then 45 minutes of a speaker or a reading from one of Swami Sivananda's 200+ books. They call it meditation, but as I am learning in my philosophy class, what we are doing is not actually meditation. We are instructed to sit up straight (like a HUGE mountain), close our eyes, and follow our breath. Then they tell us to choose a focal point, either the space between the eyebrows or the heart centre, and focus our attention there. Then we are to repeat the mantra OM in our heads with every inhale and exhale. I know this sounds like enough different tasks that you should be able to keep your focus for at least a little while, but its really, really hard. My mind doesnt like concentrating. It prefers to wander. And my body likes to move. And my ears like to pick up on the sounds coming from the 200 people around me. So, I have to work to do if I want to be a pro meditator by the end of the month. Next we chant, usually the same set of mantras repeated 3 times each. I am a terrible singer, but I think I might actually be getting better. Chanting is not really singing though I guess, since we are always repeating the same rhythm and melody. By the time the chanting ends I am very fidgety and really just waiting to get out of there, so I haven't had much luck with listening to the morning speaker. Because of this I decided that morning satsang the opportune time to write some reflections, so I get my journal out and jot a few things down as they come to mind, even though I'm not supposed to do this.

8:00-10:00 asana class (yoga postures)

Next we have the asana class. I can't really call it yoga because everything we are doing in this course is yoga! We started out with the main series of 12 Sivananda postures. The Sivananda series is mostly about working the spine and the muscles in the back. So there is no warrior series or standing balance poses. The idea is that the asanas prepare you for meditation. They allow you to focus your mind on the posture, to focus your energy flows (prana), and to strengthen your back so you can sit for longer periods of meditation practice! 

This week we have done a number of variations on the main series, particularly in shoulderstand (sirsasana) and plow (halasana). I can't quite do a proper headstand yet, but I am getting there! I am also making progress with crow and peacock, which are pretty impressive arm balancing postures. Not sure if I will be able to do them by the time I leave.

10:00 brunch

This is my favourite time of day! I am all nicely stretched out, I'm relaxed and feeling good, and I get to eat!!

I have a strategy for brunch. For my karma yoga job, I have to sign out everyone upon leaving the class. This seems unnecessary to me, but I guess we do this because in the past people would skip out early. Anyway because of this I am the last to leave, and by the time I arrive at brunch the buffet line is incredibly long. So I just grab a bowl and spoon and head directly for the yogurt and granola. It is really, really good. The kitchen staff make both of them from scratch. If you know me, you know I love dairy. Particularly cheese. Dairy products are few and far between here, but yogurt is a daily feature. So I am very happy when I am eating my yogurt, sitting in the sun on the beachside yoga platform. By the time I finish my yogurt the line has died down, and I go back for real food.

11:00-12:00 free time

If it is a nice day, I gather my homework and head to the beach. I try not to do too much for homework. We are required to write summaries of our main lectures every day, plus the occasional morning lecture or teaching class. But I figure that we are not graded on them, so I might as well write as little as necessary. The teachers have encouraged us to be concise, because they have to read all of them. I like being concise. Though you wouldn't know it from this posting. After I do my homework I try to nap and swim in the beautiful caribbean sea. This also might be the best time of the day. 

12:00 - 1:00 morning lecture

The morning lecture is in the temple with Swami Ridiananda. She teaches us about meditation, mantra, chanting, and the Bhagavad Gita. We are not reading the entire Bhagavad Gita, she is going to read us the key passages. We are only on chapter three, but I think it is fascinating. She is a great story teller. I am also enjoying the chanting, to my surprise. We haven't learnt too much about mantra yet, but we will soon. Apparently we will have the opportunity to be "initiated" into a mantra. We can then use this mantra in our meditation, rather than reciting 'OM'. We will also be given a "spiritual name" to accompany it.

1:00-2:00 free time/asana practice

I often go to the asana practice session in order to work on some of the tougher postures and to get some help from the teachers. After this I might shower or write emails, or talk to somebody.

2:00-4:00 main lecture: Yoga Philosophy

I have mixed feelings about these classes. On one hand, they are fascinating. On the other, they deal with  very "high level" topics, so sometimes I am just not in the right headspace. Our teacher, Swami Bramananda, is usually very engaging, but there just isn't enough time for questions or discussion. So we just listen. Because the topics are complicated, he often repeats himself several times, but in different words. Sometimes this helps, but other times no. I need some way of digesting the information. Maybe I will blog about it during my free time tomorrow. That will be a good way of studying I think. Yeah, I have to study. There is a final exam!

4:00-6:00: Asana teaching class

I think this is what most of the people in my class thought they had signed up for. Not all the philosophy or karma yoga or sitting 8 hours a day! In this class we learn how to teach a Sivananda yoga class. I have been taking Sivananda classes in Hamilton for a few months now, so it is familiar to me, but for a lot of people who have done mostly the ashtanga/vinyasa style, it is quite different. We get to practice teaching our classmates. We had to lead the the sun salutation for the whole class! I just imagined my teacher and the commands she would give, and I did ok. A lot of people had a hard time with it. There are many people doing this course in their second language. I am really impressed by them.

6:00 dinner

By dinner time I am starving again! Another buffet style vegetarian meal awaits us as we emerge from our last class of the day tired and ready to eat.

7:00-8:00 free time

In this time I try to find people to interact with. Its so strange to be surrounded by so many people all day but not really interacting with anyone for most of it. I often spend this time writing emails or using skype, if the connection is string enough. I might also do laundry, or if I need some alone time I will go walk on the beach. 

8:00-10:00 evening satsang

This is the same format as morning satsang. Half hour of meditation (or concentration for most of us), 20 minutes of chanting, and a lecture or performance by invited guests. The guests have been great. First we had the neuroscience and world religion symposium, and now we are doing a festival of devotional music from many different traditions. It is really fun to have music, and all of them have done a form of call and response, so we get to sing along.

10:30 bed time

Depending on how lively the evening satsang was (like tonight, a sufi musician), I typically get to sleep around 11.

Then it starts all over again!!

Learnings from philosophy class

Rest and study day. Only one more week until the exam so I am going to put in some solid study time. And I am going to use this blog to help me study, especially the philosophy. So continue reading at your own peril...

The Five Points of Yoga

We have been given a couple of different sets of things to remember. This set is specific to the physical practice of yoga. If we go on the teach yoga, we have been instructed to emphasize these to our students. Yoga is a system of self-discipline based on simple living and high thinking. The body is the vehicle of the soul, and like an automobile, it has certain requirements. We have been practicing these this month, and hopefully we have created good habits that will continue back in the real world!

1) proper exercise (asana) - the lubricating system of the car

2) proper breathing (pranayama) - the battery

3) proper relaxation (savasana) - the cooling system

4) proper diet - the fuel

5) positive thinking and meditation (vedanta and dhyana) - the responsible driver

Brahman = Atman

I remember learning this in world religions class at Westtown. This means that Brahman (the infinite, eternal, supreme reality) is the same as Atman (absolute consciousness of the individual). They are one.  So we (our true self) is god, and god is ourself.

Sounds simple, right? But there are a few things that get in the way of us knowing this truth. Absolute consciousness is veiled by the upadhis, or limiting adjuncts. These are simply (or not so simply) the body and the mind. Jiva is the individual soul, it is atman that identifies with the body and mind. Another thing is maya or the illusion, the creative power of Brahman. Everything in this world is maya, it is not real. Brahman plus maya is Isvara, or Brahman with attributes. Isvara is further subdivided into the hindu trinity of Brahma (the creator), Vishnu (the preserver), and Siva (the destroyer). To make things complicated, all of these have many incarnations and therefore many names. But the basic idea here is that "the names are many but god is one". And we are part of that same "oneness", because there is no "other". The meaning of 'yoga' is UNION. 

The 3 Gunas

Maya, or creation, is made up of 3 essential qualities. They are present in varying degrees in everything, from the gross (physical) to the subtle (the mind, emotions, energies). These are the 3 gunas, which i will describe further because we have learned about them a lot:

Sattva

Sattva in the mind is purity and knowledge. Sattva in the universe is information, knowledge, and preservation.

Rajas

Rajas in the mind is desires, ego, restlessness and attachment. Rajas in the universe is energy, change, and action.

Tamas

Tamas in the mind is dullness and lethargy. Tamas in the universe is matter and solidity. It is the veiling quality that makes us think that what we know is reality.

Yogis try to cultivate sattva in all things. Sattvic food, sattvic environments, sattvic personal care. Doing this makes sattva in the mind grow.

The Four Paths of Yoga

If you haven't noticed, or if you are new to my blog, I have been doing a lot more than stretching this month. Yoga, or "union with the divine" is pursued through four paths:

Karma Yoga 
The yoga of action, of selfless service. The karma yogi dedicates himself to serving the god who is present in all living things, without attachment to the 'fruits' or the outcomes of action. This sounds easy enough, but really it is not. I think about the volunteering that I have done. I typically do it because I like the organization and the work it does, or because I feel good after. Apparently this is good, but not good enough.

Bhakti Yoga 
The yoga of devotion, the approach of pure love. Supposedly the easiest form of yoga or path to god, but I am not sure. The bhakti yogi channels all emotions into devotion to and love of god in a personalized form. Forms of devotion include chanting, japa (repeating a mantra), and pujas (ceremonies and rituals). We are going to have the opportunity to be "initiated" into a mantra, which is associated with a particular deity who we feel strongly about (the ista-devata). I am thinking about it, but I could use some guidance.

Raja Yoga 
The scientific, systematic approach. First you control the body and breath, andthen the mind. There are 8 steps, which i will go into later if I feel like it. I have to know them for the exam.

Jnana Yoga 
The intellectual approach. Through study of scripture and philosophy, the jnani learns viveka or discrimination between the real and unreal, and vairagya or dispassion and unattachment. But the intellect can only take you so far. Then you must discard it and simply KNOW. This one is the most abstract. I don't quite get it.

Ok brunch time, this is enough for now. more studies later. 

Karma and synchronicity

Karma is an accepted fact of life here, even though not everyone comes from a spiritual tradition that espouses karma. It is central to the yogic understanding of the world. I have always liked the idea of karma, that for every action there is a reaction, but it was challenging to accept when I first got here. I was caught in the analytical frame of mind, and thinking about the scientific criteria for determining causation. Needless to say, this frame of mind was not working too well for me. The yoga philosophy that we are being taught has been passed along from teacher to student for thousands of years. I find it hard to believe that the teachings haven't gotten manipulated in some way. Remember that telephone game we played as kids? I would think it might work something like that, the message gets pretty mixed up as it is passed along the chain. But we are told that as the philosophy and teachings of yoga are passed down, they are not modified or changed, even as time changes, because the wisdom is eternal. Hmmm. Karma is an appealing idea but tough to wrap my mind around, especially when i think about it from a reductionist scientific point of view. You can't prove karma, particularly because, as we have been taught, the karma that we experience is most often a result of actions in previous lifetimes, not this one.

I had this cool feeling of synchronicity with the most recent speaker series, on the topic of neuroscience and religion, given that in a way I am here because of my brain injury, and they were talking about the brain!

I suppose its not really that much of a synchronicity, since the brain has been a really popular topic in the news lately. One thing that was a source of hope for my parents after my accident (and for me when I was aware of it) was that recent work that has shown the plasticity of the brain, or how you can teach an old brain new tricks. Every time you do something new, you create new connections in the brain. One of the scientists discussed the effects that spiritual practices can have. He said that the practice of meditation creates a lot of new neurological connections. I was busy building neurons after my accident with brain games and physical exercise, but I never practiced meditation or any mindfulness exercises  beyond yoga. So while I had been thinking of this yoga course as a form of brain rehab in a more abstract sense, now I know I am here literally building my brain!

One speaker was a philosopher who specializes in Advaita Vendanta, which is an ancient collection  of hindu texts from (I think) about 3000 BC. He made this interesting connection between the parietal lobe of the brain and the ancient sanscrit words for "self" and "other". The parietal lobe is the part of the brain responsible for our sense of embodied self and other (as in, I am here and you are there). In neuroscience, this is called "grasping". The sanscrit words for "self" and "other" in the Advaita Vedanta litterally mean "the grasper" and "the grasped". I think this was a bit of a stretch of the definition of association, but it was an interesting story nonetheless.

The two neuroscientists talked about the challenges of studying religion and the brain when there are not a lot of well defined terms. First of all, science takes the brain and the mind to be the same thing. Religious philosophies like yoga take them to be different. Second, neurological models are correlative, meaning that a person does X activity, and you see Y appear on the MRI scan. But phenomena like consciousness have no visible manifestation. Spiritual experiences result in a confluence of brain states that do not fit with any models. Apparently, even what scientists used to think they know appears to not be true. For example, we used to think that activities are localized in certain parts of the brain for certain functions. Actually, any behaviour affects the whole brain. Second, a meta analysis of MRI scans of the 'resting but awake' mode show that the mind is in fact always active, even in deep sleep and, to a certain extent, a coma. The mind is constantly cycling. So this is scientific evidence of the 'monkey mind'!! Imagine that! Overall, they highlighted the inadequacy of current methodologies, and even vocabulary, to study and describe these 

Another speaker told us about how psychologists have borrowed meditation and mindfulness techniques from yoga and buddhism, secularizing them and removing their deeper philosophical and spiritual significance, and they are still extremely effective therapies. I recognized a lot of the scientific namespace the therapies from the many systematic review titles I read over in my work for health evidence. The speaker told us that these studies are reducing these practices to parts that make up the whole, and they are likely missing something much deeper. The science is not explaining the experience, but explaining it away. 

The conclusion of the symposium was that scientists are in need of new methodologies for answering questions about religion and the brain, but also that science and spirituality need not be considered antagonistic, indeed they are complementary. 

This post turned into more of a review. Unfortunately I mainly just copied out some notes that I had taken, because I haven't really had the time to think about this more, even though I wanted to. I actually wrote this overt the course of 3 days, and as I am finishing it now I realize I forget most of it. In my next post I will write more about the workings of the ashram and how I am adjusting to the program. Good night!